Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in *~* Tara *~*'s LiveJournal:

Monday, March 11th, 2002
2:41 am	Silent Speaking "Baby it's gonna be okay". No matter what happens, I'm not going anywhere. Just trust me and everything will work out. It won't be easy and it will take time, but it will work out. I miss you. I long for your touch, it's all I need, nothing more. They don't understand what I see, but people fear what they don't understand. I however comprehend it all. I will be with you.....and your the only person I want and that I need. Please don't be angry, don't be mad, everything will work out, just trust me and give it time. I know you might not understand what I mean or you might take this the wrong way, but just wait and soon all will be revealed and you will understand me. Soon everyone will understand, and if they don't; at least I can say "I tried". I love you, and no distance, no human, not even God himself can change that. Current Mood: determined Current Music: Richard Marx---->"Waiting For You" (Comment on this)
Monday, February 18th, 2002
9:20 am	Hello Clariece......(gasp) Dr. Lector I feel like shit. Boys have no idea what it's like to be a girl. I got my period today. Well it didn't start there. Last nite for dinner I had spagitti. I didn't want that for dinner. I'm not Italian but we eat so much italian food. Anyway I ate it. Every last bite...but soon I would reget it. This morning at 2:00am I threw up my dinner. I felt sick then blah. Then after I fought that nasty after taste I fell asleep. I woke this morning to find yet another surprise. I got my period. Now I have bad cramps, I'm bitchy and I'll get fatter from eating all this chocolate. Miguel came over and took care of me today. He made me laugh when I was fighting the pain and I started crying. It was nice of him to make me smile but he'll never know what pain I feel. Oh God it hurts...make it stop please. On top of everything else I'm drowsy from taking so much Midol and my heat got turned up and I have no control over it. It's not hot in here anymore but before I was gonna die. I realized today that if Miguel and I were to break up....not only would I wind up dying from lonelyness, but I would have no friends. I mean no real person to talk to and understand me the way he does. He has opened my eyes to so many things and he loves me. He's the first guy to ever tell me that I'm beautiful. I want to marry him so badly but I know...we both know that anything can happen but I'm just keeping my fingers crossed. No one will ever know how much I love him and care about him. Only God and I know. Ahh my tummy doesn't hurt so much anymore. Thank God. Current Mood: Menstrual Pain Current Music: Escape----->The Spanish Singing Guy With The Mole (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 17th, 2002
9:59 pm	Anything, Anytime, Anywhere Touch me please I'm begging you. Nothing nasty or obsurd, just a hug, but I would really like it if you hold me. Okay horny...the word I chose below to express how I'm feeling now....well I just need to be held. I'm not sure why. I spend the whole day with Miguel and I know I'm loved by so many people, but I want a hug. I really need to move out. I can't take this parent-shelter thing anymore. I hate not having my own room and freaking out every ten seconds when I hear someone comming. Even if I'm not doing anything I'm still just so paranoid. But until then I have to cry when I'm lonely....which is NEVER!!!! I'm never alone anymore. Don't get me wrong I love Miguel's company and my friends company....but I need my own place so badly. I can't be under parents restriction anymore it's pissing me and my hormones off. I scare myself sometimes because it seems that I want to act and be 25 when I'm only 17. When I'm 25 I know I'll want to be 17 again but only for afew reasons. As for now I have to live being a 17 year old and continue wishing that I'm 25.....and I still want to be held and never let go. Current Mood: horny Current Music: Shakria----> Under Neath Your Clothes (Comment on this)
9:41 am	Anything, Anytime, Anywhere Touch me please I'm begging you. Nothing nasty or obsurd, just a hug, but I would really like it if you hold me. Okay horny...the word I chose below to express how I'm feeling now....well I just need to be held. I'm not sure why. I spend the whole day with Miguel and I know I'm loved by so many people, but I want a hug. I really need to move out. I can't take this parent-shelter thing anymore. I hate not having my own room and freaking out every ten seconds when I hear someone comming. Even if I'm not doing anything I'm still just so paranoid. But until then I have to cry when I'm lonely....which is NEVER!!!! I'm never alone anymore. Don't get me wrong I love Miguel's company and my friends company....but I need my own place so badly. I can't be under parents restriction anymore it's pissing me and my hormones off. I scare myself sometimes because it seems that I want to act and be 25 when I'm only 17. When I'm 25 I know I'll want to be 17 again but only for afew reasons. As for now I have to live being a 17 year old and continue wishing that I'm 25.....and I still want to be held and never let go. Current Mood: horny Current Music: Shakria----> Under Neath Your Clothes (Comment on this)
Monday, February 4th, 2002
2:52 am	The Story Of Pachacuti I'm so drained. I want to play tennis now and rally but I have to wait for this Ecuadorian banana to get out of school. My homework is bland and boring so I won't really rush to get started. I feel so weird....like I'm empty. I can't understand what it is. My tummy feels weird. Mommy make it stop. I think it's because I want to see Miguel's boogly eye. It's so cute. But I love him for so much more than just his eye. He's got a hot ass on him....ohhh damn. I have to go on wed to sign up for nite school. Bummer. I shouldn't have fucked up last term. Stupid blonde move. Miguel's right.....Noel IS the smarter blonde. Now someone is saying that their Miguels girl. I'm being stalked. I wish the fans would just let me be. Well let me see where this goes. Bye for now adoring fans. Current Mood: mellow Current Music: David Lanz---->Cristofori's Dream (Comment on this)
Friday, February 1st, 2002
9:51 am	Laugh and the World Laughs with you, Cry and I'll Give You Something To Cry About You Little Bastard AHHHH. Another day, another hour passing by. I won the bet, I told you I would and you thought I'd crack but YOU surprised me. It's good though because if you didn't give in yesterday then I would have given in today. I'm so full and so tired. Yep, food does that to you. I got attacked by Eraina's breasteses. She came from behind and attacked me. Damn women, can't live with em' can't......well tomorrow I have to go to that stupid Kath Gibbs bullshit for a scholorship. But I won't get far (laughter) with spelling such as that. Hey Eraina, am I not one of your friends? You should proof-read your journal entry on friends. It's okay I still love you even though I was left out. Where's my dad? He should be home by now. Oh well. I'm starting to get tired so I'll end this now. Send me your comments and tell me whatca think? Or just say something, anything. Common I dare you. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: "Dreamer"----->Ozzy Osborne (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 8th, 2002
6:29 am	If I'm Alive......Then Shouldn't I Be Breathing? I'm going to fail English. We had to make a mini-movie for class and we had weeks to do it but we wait till today. It took until almost 4:15 to get started. No, my mistake, it was almost 4:30 or something like that. First Miguel, Jon, Danny, Mo, Julie, Eraina and me went to Julie's house where the battery for her video camera wasn't charged. Then we go to Noel's house to film and her mom comes home. Soon enough her mom gets mad at us then we have to leave. Well off again to Julie's house to get driven to Tifphany's house. Everyone's hungry of course so we spend about an hour just bullshitting. Then the camera didn't work, and everyone was still eatting. Well everyone but Julie, Marie, Miguel and me. Argh...okay so FINALLY we start filming but NOW were limited on time because Tifphany's mom was comming home soon. We were then re-located to Jon's house. Miguel and I however went home. I too was hungry. I hated my dinner. Some Healty Choice bullshit, it was disgusting. It had no taste to it, and my mom ate before me so if I had $ on me I could have bought pizza. I'm so annoyed and frazzed out. Now I have to work on this stupid Gildea project and I also have other homework but that I can let go for now. Damn this sucks. God I fucking hate this...I'm bored and I have to do research. Hopefully I'll be able to bullshit my way through most of the project. My mom and I still aren't talking which is fine with me. I really don't care. I want to move out and go far far away. I want to live by myself but if I get lonely I'll ask Miguel to sleep over and protect me from the foes of my dreams....you know who you are. Hehe. I'm gonna win the bet with Miguel. If anyone knows as much about fat it's me....so ha.....fatty. God I'm so fat. I hate the way I look. Miguel says I'm beautiful and my friends have told me that, but I look in the mirror sometimes and see this ugly, fat, white girl whose good for nothing. I'm sad and I know I shouldn't be but I am. I'm avoiding this Gildea project really well even though that isn't the smartest idea. Well let me get started before I go bananas. Now I feel pretty again. It's just these weird mood changes. Okay I'm nuts but that's okay. I'm okay now. No more fear. No more pain. No more life. Current Mood: stressed Current Music: "Jane's Got A Gun"- - - - - ->Aerosmith (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 6th, 2002
7:34 am	The Talented Ms. Mendez I decided to use a different last name for my subject so my adoring fans won't stalk me. Yeah rite. Well I haven't written for awhile and Lynnette is bothering me and telling me to update my journal since I'm bored. She caught me going into weird chat rooms. She keeps calling me a "sex machine", but the last time I checked I was human. Unless there's something I don't know but I'm sure Lynnette, as usual, is just strange. On friday I quit my job at Key Food. FINALLY!!!!! I have a life again! All of my friends we getting annoyed at me because I was always working. But also it kept interfearing with my school work, so I still have my sunday job.The catch is that since I had to give 2 weeks notice I still have 2 weeks left. Tomorrow will be the three year ann. of Charyse being dead. She was murdered 2 days before her birthday 3 years ago. I wrote her another letter this year and lite a candle. I hope one day she answers my letters, but I think in so many ways she has. Well let me change the subject before I get sad again. I love Miguel...there we go, I'm happy once again. Well I have to study for my SAT's no so I can get into college and be somebody (a psycologist), so maybe in the next 3 months I'll write again. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: "Dreaming"---->Selena (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 24th, 2001
1:44 pm	".....And I Saw Sparks" Yet another gloomy day on this planet. I'm so bored that it's not even funny. I had a good night last night though. It started with the plans of going to the movies with Jon, me and Mig (of course Mig would be there, when are we not together. Oh yea now we're not. He's in NJ),we wanted to see Shallow Hal. Of course we got to the movie theater late so we couldn't see it and all the other movies either sucked major ass or they started to late. We then decided to go bowling at Whitestone Lanes,we were in College Pt. First we made a pit stop at Toys "R" Us. Of course the one person who I hate most was there (and may I mind you I don't hate anyone) Richie was there. It was funny because he didn't say nothing, and this kid always has something to say. When were in school and I'm talking to Natalie he just comes over to her and decides to cut me off and talk to her. Then he starts making out with her. Yes, to a point it bothers me, not because he's my ex-boyfriend and I hate him, but it's just very rude. If Miguel were reading this he'd say, well he wouldn't say anything he'd just roll his eyes and think here we go again. I love Miguel so much. All the pain that I've ever felt just goes away when I'm with him, and yesterday, and last night was just the best. Jon's a brother to me and I can talk to him about anything. And Miguel, he's my everything. My boyfriend, my best friend, my friend, my love,my lover , my heart, my soul.....everything. I can talk to him about anything and everything. Miguel's my other half, he complete's me,.... he's my soulmate. I don't care that I'm only 17, I don't want to hear or be told bullshit like that, because I'm young but I know what I want from life. oh yea but again last night after bowling, we walked up to main street and went into Starbucks. AAAAHHH if I don't marry Miguel I'll marry Starbucks. Yep the whole damn coffee shop. We sat down up stairs and started talking about sex. It's cool because I love and trust these two people so much. I'd trust Miguel and Jon with my life. It was fun we just started telling stupid sex stories. Oh God the embarrasment, you know I suddenly got a craving for some Pepsi in a glass. It was just so cool to have a serious talk and to just relax. I got caught up with school and work that I haven't really relaxed. I really love the hickie on my neck. It's so cool, the best one I ever gotten. I have work today and that sucks but I'll talk to Miguel later so everything will be alright. Oh man this is weird.....I just got a really bad craving for some pasta. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: "Sparks" Cold Play (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 23rd, 2001
11:19 am	OH NO! Their Mixing, The Story of the Interracial Couple I'm kinda bored right now. As usual therefore I decided to write a journal entry. I'm waiting for Miguel to come over. Miguel and I are the "interracial couple" because it's true. Miguel comes from Ecuador and he has a very dark complexion to him. Me however, if you see me you'd laugh. It's okay because my friends (including my loving dark boyfriend) make fun of my white-ness all the time. I love Miguel so much. I've never felt this way about anyone before, even though I've been in love once before this time it's different. Have you ever had a very good day. And I mean the day starts out good from the second you get up. You had enough sleep, the sun is shinning, you did all your homework, your having a good hair day, your wearing your favorite outfit, etc. ,etc. This is how I feel everyday for the past 6 months. It just never ends and I love every second of it.One day maybe I'll be able to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. For now though I take life one day at a time. I'm trying to get out of high school and make something of myself. I can't wait until Miguel comes over......AHHHHH I'm going crazy. I miss him so much and I just can't wait until I get to hold him and kiss him again. God help me I'm so in love with this boy. Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: "trouble"- Cold Play (Comment on this)